September 1, 1999

Dear World Children's Fund,
Thank you so much for your generous offer, received via the US mail, to sponsor a hungry child in a poverty-stricken, third world country. I am so looking forward to being a positive influence on a young person, and I hope be a good-will ambassador for the whole of the American people. In the spirit of the upcoming Thanksgiving season, I will heartily come aboard your good venture. Please select a child for me, preferably a particularly scruffy one who stands on the street corner and begs for change all day long.

I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship with my new protégé.

Yours truly,
Davis Wilson III

September 5, 1999

Dear Mr. Wilson,
Thank you for your generous contribution to sponsor a child in (__Africa __South America  __Asia _X _ Wherever your help is needed most). Enclosed please find an information packet about how your seventy cents a day can help a needy child. The information packet also contains a photo of your sponsored child and personal information allowing you to correspond with him.

We hope you enjoy being a sponsor and an important part of the world's largest and oldest child relief agency. Through your generosity we have been able to help more than 2.5 million needy children around the world.

Sincerely,
World Children's Fund

September 7, 1999

Dear World Children's Fund,
Thank you for your quick response to my request for a child to sponsor. Unfortunately, the child you have selected for me to sponsor is simply unacceptable. I know these children are poverty stricken and all that, but little Pedro is far too unattractive for me to take on as a sponsor. As my protégé, Pedro must be my eyes and ears in the third world. And being as slovenly as he is, he won't have an easy time of it. For his sake, and mine, please be so good as to select another, more photogenic, child for me to sponsor.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Yours truly,
Davis Wilson III

September 15, 1999

Dear Pedro,
Since I have not heard back from the World Children's Fund, I must assume that they have a shortage of eligible youngsters. So, until my request goes through, we will simply both have to make the best of this situation.

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Davis Wilson III, and I am to be your World Children's Fund sponsor. As a member of what we like to call, "The Establishment," I have been privy to many advantages in my upbringing that you have not. I hope, by sharing some of my good fortune with you, to help you become a productive member of society so you no longer need to beg for a handout via paid programming and bulk mail letters.

As my representative on that side of the globe, you'll have a responsibility to represent me and my interests in your homeland. From the photo I received, your preferred method of dress seems to be what I can refer to only as dirty rags. While this may be "cool" with your "jiggy" friends down in the "hood," now that you're my protégé, you'll need to work on your look.

Enclosed, please find a small check, which you can put towards some purchases at your local haberdashery. Look forward to hearing from you soon,

Your mentor,
Davis Wilson III

October 5, 1999

Dear Mr. Wilson,
Hello. My name is Pedro, and I am nine years old. I am your World Children's Fund sponsored child. Thank you for taking an interest me and my village. Your gift has enabled my family to send me to school and to buy needed medical supplies for my brothers and sisters. We hope to have the village well working again soon, so I do not have to bathe in the stream where the goats drink. Thank you for writing to me. Sister Mary from the relief shelter is helping me write this letter.

Have a happy day,
Pedro, age 9

October 15, 1999

Dear Pedro,
I am disturbed to hear that my monetary gift is being used for school and medicine, while you continue to run around the streets without even a decent blazer to your name. Never underestimate the importance of dressing well, both in business and social situations.

But never mind that for now. I hope you are doing well, but I read in the paper that your tiny nation is undergoing severe floods. Or was that a drought? Maybe it was riots and civil war. In any case, as your mentor, I am taking it on myself to offer you some advice for the coming holiday season.

When your family is picking out a turkey, make sure you're not getting one of those water-soaked ones. Many unscrupulous merchants use that as a means of adding weight onto a bird and gouging their customers. Also, at any holiday-themed parties you might have occasion to attend, make sure not to hover by the buffet, it's considered tacky. Instead, do what I do-eat before arriving, so once at the party, you can concentrate on social networking, while others struggle to balance paper plates full of food on their knees.

I am also sending you a few spare silk ties from my collection. I know the World Children's Fund doesn't like us sponsors sending actual gifts of clothing through the mail, but my closet is overstuffed and I thought they might come in handy at your next social function. As my protégé, how you look reflects on me, even on the other side of the world.

Your mentor,
Davis Wilson III

November 1, 1999

Dear Mr. Wilson,
It is me, Pedro. Thank you for writing to me again. My village's new well started to work last week and we were all very happy. Then the guerrillas came down from the mountains and attacked us. My mother and brothers were killed in the fighting, and the soldiers kidnapped my three sisters. I don't know where they are. The Red Cross was going to serve us a turkey meal for Thanksgiving at the tent city they have set up, but the tents were all burned when the rebels came. Sister Agnes is helping me write this letter, as Sister Mary was raped and murdered by the guerrillas.

Have a happy holiday,
Pedro, age 9

November 10, 1999

Dear Pedro, Sorry to hear about the run of bad luck in your neighborhood. Might I suggest leaving town for a while? A short holiday might remove you from the danger zone and also give you a chance to relax and gather your wits. Sounds like quite an exciting life you lead, though!

I would suggest you explore the beaches at Ibiza, they are lovely this time of year. Or, if you'd prefer, I'd be more than happy to suggest a few quality spas on the continent that might be to your liking. Either way, I think a break from the daily routine would do you a world of good.

Hope this letter finds you well. Please feel free to forward to me any local delicacies you might have available in your local touristy gift shops. I'm having a small dinner party and I would love to have a smattering of international culture there.

Your mentor,
Davis Wilson III

November 20, 1999

Dear Mr. Wilson,
We are sorry to inform you that your sponsored child, Pedro Alvarez, has passed away. The cause of death for Pedro was:

___ Starvation
___ Disease
___ Industrial equipment accident
___ Eaten by wild animals
_X _ Killed by rebel soldiers
___ Crushed by crates of relief supplies

Please don't let this discourage you from sponsoring another child. We look forward to having you as a World Children's Fund sponsor until there are no more hungry children to feed.

Sincerely,
World Children's Fund